Office holiday parties can be dreadful for introverts and people with social anxiety

NEW YORK AP The year the radio station company where he worked held its holiday party at a dive bar Ryan Arnold walked in and saw coworkers passing around a tall glass boot filled with beer He heard the office manager belting out s power ballads between whiskey shots Arnold s first thought was When can I leave More than years later he still remembers that awkward social event he felt obligated to attend Arnold who describes himself as socially anxious now thinks twice before accepting invitations to group gatherings I don t want to go into a place where I experience things I can t unsee he mentioned Not to be dramatic but I just don t want that image For a great number of introverts shy individuals and people with social anxiety mingling at parties is often draining or arouses uncomfortable emotions The internal debate about whether or not to attend large get-togethers can get especially intense during the holiday season a time when several workplaces celebrate with cocktail hours gift exchanges and other forms of organized fun Various people are just not party people City University of New York social work professor Laura MacLeod announced With a workplace holiday party there s a pressure to be very happy and excited It s the end of the year it s the holidays we re all feeling grand And maybe people are not really feeling that grand Attending work parties also leaves various people feeling uncertain about professional boundaries which can get murky at events where people drink alcohol stated MacLeod who created a consulting company called From the Inside Out Project that trains managers on club relationships and conflict resolution Therapists and workers who consider themselves shy or introverted shared tips for surviving and potentially enjoying the winter festivities whether with coworkers family or friends Dress for comfort Take control of everything you can to put yourself at ease starting with what you wear MacLeod explained Find out the dress code and choose something secure within the parameters of acceptable attire If it s not your thing to wear five- or six-inch heels just because it s a holiday party don t do it she noted If you want flat shoes wear flat shoes Arrive early head for the middle Introverts and shy people may find smaller crowds more manageable and the turnout at parties tends to be smallest at arrival time While nerves might make it tempting to hug the sidelines positioning yourself there also may increase self-consciousness Experts suggest heading to the center of the room where participating in conversations is easier because there are more of them If you re feeling anxious or overwhelmed stay a short time It s fine to say I just longed to come and be sure to wish everybody happy holidays I ve got specific family things I have to handle tonight so this is a quick stop for me MacLeod reported Get yourself in and out Plan talking points Thinking in advance of topics you enjoy discussing can help relieve anxiety Another good way to engage is by asking open-ended questions such as whether a colleague has gripping holiday plans recommended Andrea Taylor a psychologist at UTHealth Houston You can also ask people what they like to do outside of work Keeping a conversation going doesn t have to require heavy lifting Remember that your answers don t have to be perfect she mentioned Suitable responses could include something like I haven t done that but that sounds captivating or Whoa you re great for doing that but I m not the bungee jumping type Taylor added Steer clear of topics that may be divisive and keep things light she revealed For encounters with a high-level boss you can keep it short and simple saying This is a great party Thank you so much for doing all this It s been a great year and I hope you and your family have a lovely holiday and then move on MacLeod suggested Don t stress about awkward silence People who are shy or have social anxiety sometimes fear having nothing to say But if a topic runs its program that s OK Taylor revealed Silences feel uncomfortable But that doesn t mean that it is your specific responsibility to fill the silence she announced If that happens while Taylor is chatting with a colleague she sometimes acknowledges the sudden pause saying This is awkward because we re so used to talking about work things aren t we If someone you re talking to seems distracted don t assume they re bored with you Taylor mentioned It could be as simple as they ve had a long day or they re dehydrated and their head hurts or they re wishing they had changed their shoes before they came or they happen to be missing their kid s recital she stated I caution people against mind reading because we re really good at misinterpreting what people are thinking and often we do it in a negative direction Seek allies or bring promotion Carla Pruitt a business maturation associate at engineering company ENFRA recalls a holiday gift exchange someone organized at a place she once worked Participants were questioned to bring socks and no one craved the aloe-infused pair Pruitt contributed She took them back I was so embarrassed and mortified she explained Her social anxiety at in-person events has increased during the five years she s worked remotely from her home in Salt Lake City she stated Pruitt revealed she looks for other women with children or fellow pet lovers when she does go to company events I can talk about my dog all day she announced Pruitt feels more at ease attending work parties when she can hire a babysitter and her husband accompanies her She also likes it when other attendees invite her into conversations and wishes more outgoing people thought to do that when they see someone who appears reserved Look for the people in the room that might be standing off to the side and approach them Pruitt noted It means so much to them To go or not to go People who are anxious in social settings don t have to avoid work parties and may benefit by sometimes showing up Taylor mentioned Focusing more on the activity and less on your feelings is one coping strategy she explained It s accomplishable to feel anxious and still do things Taylor commented And really once we do that we tend to walk away from that with a feeling of accomplishment and self-efficacy and sometimes just feeling proud I didn t let the anxiety stop me After receiving an invitation ask yourself whether it s essential to attend the event or not If your goal is to talk with one or two specific people you can go with that intention and give yourself a time limit MacLeod explained Arnold knows that large work-related gatherings drain his social battery But as the owner and president of populace relations firm DeSoto State Communications he receives holiday event invitations from networking groups Each one is reviewed for a reason why he should go He doesn t drink alcohol so is inclined to pass if an event includes an open bar I would nine times out of much rather hang with my books and my wife he announced Share your stories and questions about workplace wellness at cbussewitz ap org Follow AP s Be Well coverage focusing on wellness fitness diet and mental strength at https apnews com hub be-well Source